(meta) Rejection

I got another thin envelope today so I thought I'd try my hand at writing one.

Dear Search Committee Members,

I have received and thoroughly reviewed the rejection letter that you sent regarding my application for your advertised position of Associate Professor of Anthropology.

I have been impressed with the number and quality of rejection letters that I have received this year and the task of sifting through them has been quite humbling. Your letter was quite strong and I would like to accept all of the rejections that I receive. Unfortunately that is not possible and I have already filled my quota of rejection letters for this application cycle. Therefore it is with deep regret that I must accept the job of Associate Professor of Anthropology that you have advertised.

Please have your department administrator contact me as soon as possible so that we can negotiate compensation, starting date, and course load for my first term.

This should not be taken as a reflection of the quality of your rejection letter or of your department in general. All of the rejections that I received were quite strong and I wish you the best of luck in rejecting future candidates and in all of your future endeavors.

If you submitted any publications or additional materials with your rejection letter that you would like returned to you, please contact me as soon as possible and I will get those back to you as soon as possible.

Thank you sincerely,


Me
Associate Professor
Your University Department of Anthropology